Sadly to say, our family has just suffered a miscarriage. Last Friday, after a long, agonising week of suspense, I had a sonogram which showed that our little baby quit growing at 6 weeks (I was 10 weeks along). That sonogram was very hard to see.
After that, I was looking through my prayer books and I found this prayer, which helped me a lot:
To A Child In Heaven (a prayer of resignation)
My darling, you have gone to heaven to be eternally happy, and are now in joy in the company of the holy innocents there. It was a thing hard for me to understand when you were taken from my arms, for parting with you has caused me grief that few can know. Yet in all my grief I am happy, very happy for you, because I know the joy that is yours. Your joy is now my joy, too, because I can always feel that I had a part in bringing it to you. Now that you are in heaven, I realize that you are mine in a truer sense than you could ever be on earth. I cannot lose you now through sin. While parting with you was hard, I would not wish you back because I know that you are happier than I could ever make you here with me. Help me, as you now can with your intercession, that I may be completely faithful to all my duties here on earth and merit to receive you again in eternal joys where there will be no more sorrow or parting from those we love.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, lover of little children, hear my prayer!
The other prayer that helped me was out of the same prayer book:
A Prayer For Resignation (for the mother of an infant lost at birth)
Mary, my mother, obtain for me, I beg you, the grace of a holy resignation. Obtain for me the grace to understand this trial which is so hard for me to bear. I know that God in his all-wise providence has seen that it is for the best. Yet it is hard for me to bear the grief I feel. I come to you, dear mother, comforter of the afflicted and constant aid of those who trust in you. I know that you can obtain for me the peace and resignation that I seek. I confide in you entirely in this my tribulation and sorrow. You know the meaning of a mother's love, and can understand the depth of my affliction. Be to me a tender and protecting mother. For now, dear Mother Mary, I feel more than ever the need of your motherly love and sweet consolation.
Mary sorrowing, Mother of all Christians, Pray for us!
Even though my child died before birth and I never got to hold our baby in my arms, I know these prayers helped me. God granted me that gift of resignation.
Over the course of Sunday and Monday, the actual delivery took place and thanks be to God, was not overly difficult and did not require any trips to the hospital. It appears that it is all finished.
I am so grateful for my four little children here on earth. They are a great comfort in their innocence and joyful play. And in their kisses, hugs, and snuggles. (Of course, Dan is a big comfort as well!) One thing is for sure, I will never take a pregnancy for granted anymore. Fertility is a gift. Pregnancy is a gift. A new baby is a gift. Even though our baby only lived for about 4 weeks or so in her mother's womb, she was still a gift. And we have the hope of seeing her again one day.
We call her a girl, even though we don't know for sure that she is, and since she probably died sometime around Christmas or the Feast of the Holy Family, and her due date was the Feast of the Assumption, we have named her Mary Joseph.
Thank you for your prayers.
And please add my sister in your prayers, as she suffered a miscarriage last week. We were due within days of each other.